Yesterday was the third of six of my "Working Towards Guilt Free Motherhood" workshop. I made it half way! So far we tackled lots: self awareness, self esteem (how we tie it to our child's behaviour), the portrayal of motherhood in social media, acknowledging our mistakes to make repairs, our (often critical) inner voice, and how to be kind to oneself. We also touched on the importance of being open and sharing our experiences as a way to make connections. Being the silent observer, I was called upon with a question about connecting that I didn't really hear. I only heard my name and then the words "Sorry, I just can't" came out of my mouth in some kind of shaky stutter.
AUGH WRONG WEIRD AUGH
After the workshop, moms went out all together for lunch. I was invited but feeling like I wanted to crawl under the floorboards and die from embarrassment (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration) I declined. Was I always like this? So shy to the point of crying when asked to speak? Probably to some degree, but never this bad!
I still haven't recovered from the sight of seeing them all walk together towards a warm lunch and warm conversation. It made me crave connection, to feel understood, to feel safe and good and finally at peace. Needless to say, I won't be going back.
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