Thursday, July 28, 2016

November 25



Can't wait!!!!!

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Moms Know

Having a child with special needs has put me in contact with many (not so competent) health care professionals. There were 4 different Drs that ignored me when I knew something was wrong with Baby's digestive system (we later found out it was a severe blockage). There was a nutritionist who stressed me out (for nothing) for months about Baby's weight and kept pushing meat (!?) and Pediasure. 1 Dr who prescribed unnecessary invasive testing (thank God I didn't go through with any of them). The worst social worker. 1 physiotherapist who made me feel bad for not putting Baby in daycare and unnecessarily stopped services because Baby was "too small and difficult to deal with". I've suffered through hospital protocol of fasting, gavage, needles, constant interruptions, the worst conditions for Baby and any new mom. I've been scarred by the beginning of this journey, but I'm also learning a lot as I go. I now know that not all recommendations are right, it's ok to say no or get a second opinion, and that my instincts as a mom are usually always right. Moms just know.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Baby Be Keeping Me Busy! Part 2

The past 2 weeks didn't go exactly as planned... As of today, the result?:

7 Dr's appointments
1 Xray
1 OT appointment
1 PT appointment
2 therapy sessions
1 singing class
1 blood test
Baby's first haircut (traumatizing)
2 hospital visits
Glasses fitting for Baby
1 appointment for Baby's standing station
1 appointment for Baby's orthotics (panic inducing procedure)
1 sick feverish baby
1 tired mommy!!

Monday, June 20, 2016

Peace Mommy

Ok, maybe I was being a little harsh when I wrote Mommy Wars.

I feel bad because dodo is so hard and moms can become desperate for a solution... I suffered 16 months of sleeplessness, pumping and breastfeeding round the clock (Baby is hypotonic so I had many breastfeeding challenges). I gave more than I was able to give and maybe it wasn't smart to push so hard because my physical and mental health suffered a lot. And I'm not perfect! I gave up using cloth diapers because the washing felt like too much work. I let my toddler watch (educational signing) DVDs and the occasional Netflix cartoon. I use commercial baby wipes (though to my credit when I'm home I use washable bamboo cotton cloths with a homemade mixture of distilled water, aloe, soap, calendula and essential oils). I don't give homemade snacks. I know that another mom could judge me harshly for these things... But I've been through a lot, and maybe so have you.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Cancer of the Arteries

7 years ago my dad had a heart attack, on Saturday he had a second one. Surgery on Monday and another right now, as I write these words. I'm stressed, scared and my heart hurts now too! This fathers day I'm hoping my papa will finally be home from hospital and recovering peacefully.


Friday, June 10, 2016

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Start A Fire


stephen ft in-q

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Baby Be Keeping Me Busy!

Monday
Dr's appointment (for me)
Opthalmology appointment (usually a half day ordeal at the hospital)

Tuesday
Dr's appointment for Baby's legs

Wednesday
Occupational Therapist and specialized educator
Paediatrician

Thursday
Dentist (for me)

Friday
Yoga!

Monday 
Mother Goose (songs and stories)

Tuesday
Waxing appointment (for me)

Wednesday
Specialized educator

Thursday
Audiology and ENT appointments

Friday
Rest

Friday, June 3, 2016

Getting Dressed

When I was a kid, my parents would buy hand-me-downs from a mom with only boys... This is how I dressed most of my childhood. Girly outfits (still very vivid in my mind) can be counted on one hand: plaid skirt during a summer fair when I was about 9, flowery dress for grade 6 graduation, grey prom "dress" worn with converse (it amazes me that I had a date!) and my sister's knee length skirt for high school graduation.

I remember the day when I bought my first skirt (in my 20s!). It was fitted, black and I felt pretty! Soon after, I got my first post-univeristy job and that's when I really made an effort to dress like a lady. Lots of nice dresses, skirts and blouses, always in heals. My first apartment had 5 closets, and I was able to fill them all with fancy shoes and frilly womanly pieces.

Then I had Baby and postpartum was all about comfort. Looking nice and fashion is the last thing on a new mom's mind! It's been two and a half years since Baby was born and I'm still wearing my uniform of cotton leggings, tank top, and plaid oversized shirt. Forget body-con, no more stalkings, don't even think of seeing me in a pair of heals, or even a bra! I've become hyperaware of how fabrics feel on my skin (everything is itchy, even cashmere). I make an effort to dress up on special occasions but as soon as I'm home, I take off all my clothes and take a shower with a sigh of relief. I'm pretty sure that the trauma of giving birth and the discomfort for weeks afterwards has caused this sensitivity. I can't deal with buttons, zippers, wires and most fabrics. I got rid of almost all of my clothes.

Now that the weather is getting warm, I feel like I don't have anything left to wear! Stores seem to only be selling short shorts or rompers like this:


I mean come on!! Only a preteen can pull this look off!

I don't know where to shop anymore. Until I find a romper with a long torso and long shorts or elastic waist skirts and bermudas, you might see me in these unisex beauties:




     

Friday, May 27, 2016

Mommy Wars

One of my "friends" posted a pseudo scientific article (I am not posting the link) on FB about how it's ok to let babies cry themselves to sleep. The article attests that this form of "sleep training" is not in any way damaging!! W.T.F. I got so pissed at reading such FALSE INFORMATION that I actually wrote a simple response: this is so wrong.

I got the regular feedback "it may not work for you but it worked for us" "after 5 months I wanted time for myself" "there is no black and white answer" blah blah bull shit. First of all, this method didn't work for me because I would never ever do that to my baby. After 5 months?! What the hell!!!! Your poor baby was left to cry it out at 5 months!? Wow, that's great parenting. Just FYI, most (good) moms don't sleep for years. Yes when it comes to parenting there is a lot of grey but I'm sorry there is RIGHT and there is WRONG, especially when it comes to intimidation, abuse and neglect. I didn't actually write any of this; even so, I think I offended her and her supporters bc I was called "insulting" in a PM. I didn't respond, just unfriended. Biatch!  

This is not the first time that I've been seriously offended by something posted on FB (coincidently the mother who posted that Scary Mommy article wrote a comment how she too let her baby cry himself to sleep). I'm trying to not take things to heart or get depressed when I see kids with no structure, acting up, eating junk, being intimidated by their parents... But it's hard not to be sensitive! I once got so offended by a picture of a 15 month old drinking and iced cappuccino that I unfriended that mother immediately.

I've decided it's ok to judge other parents. It also feels good to speak up from time to time... Let the mommy wars begin!


Mother

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

I Survived

I survived!! After 2 days of fresh juice, fresh air and yoga I feel good! It's going to take a lot more to cure my sugar and coffee addiction but still, I feel like it's possible now. I'm optimistic, lighter and slightly more spiritual. I bring back a sense of calm and a love for wheatgrass!


Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Change is Hard!!

After years of losing feeling in my extremities (several times a day!), headaches, diarrhea, fatigue, general stiffness, sore muscles and countless tests, Drs say I have a chronic auto-immune disease that may or may not (50% chance) develop into "something serious". The chance that I'll be fine is comforting, but my symptoms over the past 2 years have been getting progressively worse and I don't feel fine. Besides my own antibodies attacking my healthy cells, stress is a contributing factor, as is diet.

I've internalized a lot of stress over the past 3 years. There's a test you can take that assess your stress level. Mine is at 518  ... Not good.  Exercise is a good way to manage stress and help with my joints, muscles, lungs and blood flow. I used to exercise ALL THE TIME. I was strong and couldn't go more than 2 days without doing something sweat related. Now I'm lucky if I can go to my yoga class 1-2 times a month! I've lost weight, muscle and will power.

I've read that auto immune diseases can be controlled with proper (restrictive) diet: no gluten, no sugar, no coffee, no alcohol, no dairy, no chemicals (organic only please), no processed foods, no fried yumminess. This paleo type of diet is difficult when you're a vegetarian! Being addicted to caffeine and chocolate doesn't help either. Like major addicted people.

Change is hard. I have to re-learn how to put on my running shoes. I have to give up my morning coffee and manage cravings without shooting somebody... It seems overwhelming and I honestly don't know if I can do it!

Next week I'm going to a cleansing yoga retreat to reset my body. No sugar, caffeine or alcohol 7 days leading up to the weekend, only fresh fruits and veggies 2 days before, then 3 days of yoga, seminars and only fresh juice (3 times a day). I plan to relax, stretch, (complain), and hopefully come home to a new lifestyle. I'll keep you posted...


Sunday, April 10, 2016

Wednesday, April 6, 2016



besotted- ghost club

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Monday, March 14, 2016

Skin Care

Love cosmetics. I actually think I might have a problem when it comes to speeding money on skin care. The pull is too strong and I want to try some new creams like:

L'Occitane's Immortelle Divine Cream that uses the anti-aging propertied of a flower that, once picked, never wilts!



Or Fresh's Black Tea Age Delay Eye Concentrate which uses the antioxidant properties of black tea and noni fruit juice and looks heavenly.

Dammit I have a problem!


Sunday, January 31, 2016

I Lied

Last week I canceled Baby's daycare. As much as I would have liked some time to myself, some separation, a scheduled free time... time to do yoga, to window shop, to do my nails, to wander the streets of Mtl with peace of mind knowing that my little one is laughing, crawling, happy playing with his new friends... deep down I knew from day 1 that such integration would be difficult. I have a hypersensitive little guy with many special quirks. There were empty promises of one-on-one stimulation, a high chair, an OT, a special chair so he can sit with friends. We got none of these things. The last time I brought him he screamed for the 2 hours I was away. When I picked him up, he was sitting in a stroller, drenched in sweat crying his eyes out. My first instinct is how can he go back? He clearly can't handle the environment and the workers can't handle him.

The problem? The team of health care professionals that we see on a weekly basis are pushing daycare. They strongly believe that a daycare environment will help him work through his sensitivities, and help him cope with stressful situations. They fear that, when the time comes, he won't be able to make sense of a classroom and "cause problems for everybody". The pressure to keep him in daycare if so strong that I actually lied to his physiotherapist last week when she asked how daycare was going... I couldn't face the criticism if she knew that I had pulled him out a few days prior.

Even if I feel like I tried my best, I lied. I signed him up over the summer, started part time in the fall, even left him alone there a few times to see how he would fair. It wasn't all tears and tantrums, there were some good mornings, but these were few and far between. I invested time, money and energy. I tried!! Even if my instinct is telling me daycare isn't a place for my son, I lied. He can't make sense of all the stimuli alone and there isn't anyone there to help him. Intuition is telling me he's not ready!!

I lied because I'm always second guessing myself. Are they right?! Did I do him a disservice? I'm not sure. I'm following my gut on this one. Who knew that of all the challenges of having a child with special needs, finding the strength to be honest would be one of them.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

4am Loneliness

Baby wakes up early. Sleeping in to me is the equivalent of winning the lottery: so nice to dream about, bit never going to happen!!

This morning I was up at 4am again. Difficult when Baby had to be rocked 1 full hour before falling asleep that night. Difficult when M went to bed only 1 hour prior, after a night with friends. Difficult when the night before Baby was up from 2:00am-4:00am wanting to play. Difficult knowing it's impossible for me to nap.

I've been feeling lonely lately, and it weighs heaviest on me in the morning. Especially at 4am.