When Will It End?

I tend to keep everything (like I still have my school notes somewhere in a box!) but for some reason, I throw out my agendas. I wish I still had them so I could reference the last 4 years and take note of how many waiting rooms, therapy sessions, drs, specialists, classes and conferences I have attended over the years. How many hours in waiting rooms? How many days in hospital?

Just last week I had to hold Baby's head down while Dr administered 3 sets of drops to dilate pupils for yet another eye test. This dr has ZERO bedside manner and doesn't explain things properly and always leaves me feeling confused and angry. I mentioned that Baby has a hard time keeping glasses on so Dr prescribed medication to blur vision so that Baby would be FORCED to wear glasses. What kind of abusive recommendation is that???? I'm changing drs once and for all, but getting a second opinion also means making another appointment (hopefully no more tests though). Sigh

Recently I was given a pamphlet on the Canada Food Guide and lectured about portions with the subtext that the reason my Baby is not walking is because he's underfed (not the first time this has happened btw). First of all, the Canada Food Guide is a corrupt document sponsored by Canada's DAIRY farmers. Second, my son is following his growth curve and is eating very well thank you very much. Third, he's not walking because of a severe muscle condition BITCH. Of course I didn't say any of this and just smiled and accepted the (mis)information politely.

This undertone that I'm not doing enough is omnipresent. I'm not feeding enough, not doing enough physio, not working hard enough on teaching age appropriate eating behaviours. I hold too much and put off daycare so the insecurities and sensitivities are my fault. Teach more, repeat more, do more.

WHEN WILL IT END?! When can I just relax and enjoy a day without an appointment?  Will there be a time where I'm not reminded of all the challenges my Baby is up against? When will the guilt stop? Will someone tell me: "great job"? Or "Wow look at all you do, you're a great mom!!!!!"?

I have a plan to take this winter off, take a break from appointments and just focus on work and having fun. I'm not risking driving in a snow storm just to be told that I need to intentionally blind my Baby and he needs to eat meat. My Baby is perfect. I'm doing the best I can.