Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Anxious Much?

Today I attended a workshop called "Working Towards Guilt Free Motherhood". It was the first meeting of 6, hosted by 2 psychologists. Cozy cozy, 6 other moms and myself on couches talking about our feelings and experiences. The minute I got there (last one to arrive because of crazy Mtl construction nightmare) I immediately felt the opposite of cozy. I felt uneasy.

Topics covered today included pre/postpartum hormones, control (or lack there of), and intentions behind unsolicited advice. But I couldn't really concentrate, feeling my heart rate & body temperate increase, my face turn red.

I was the only one who didn't contribute personal experiences or ask a question so when I was called upon to share a little bit about myself, I totally froze. My mind went blank and all I could muster was: "I'm really shy and can't speak in social gatherings". Inside I felt like crying but kept my composure, I think I embarrassed myself enough thank you very much.  

In my efforts to connect with people, feel less isolated in my mommy hood struggles, I couldn't have felt more alone after the session. I don't want to go back but I pre-paid so I feel obliged to attend... I guess a part of me wants to go, be cool, make friends. Maybe next time I'll even feel less anxious! Chances are I'll probably make things worse for myself by having anticipatory anxiety and count the minutes until it's over once I get there. Anxious much mama?

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